Quote:
Originally Posted by carve
I think this is part of my issue; I'm not close to my parents. I really don't have much to talk to them about. They divorced when I was about 10. My mom was and is very generous, but insane, and kind of has a martyr complex about her generosity, and spent too much time at work. My dad was always disappointed I wasn't interested in typical boy stuff like fishing or baseball, was very passive aggressive about it with very little patience, and he gets most of his enjoyment from teasing kids...getting them to do stupid kid stuff and making them look like idiots. It helped me develop a great sense of logic and skepticism, but it also conditioned me to emotionally shut down around him to not give him the sense of smug satisfaction when he was teasing. Both are very passive aggressive. I grew up in a very rural area without really having any other kids to play with, and I'd always be the last kid picked up at DayCare so my dad could take Fridays off. Didn't mesh well with my 2nd grade teacher and did poorly in school, and my parents basically punished me instead of helping me; it was extraordinarily isolating...being out in the middle of nowhere and having malice over what was already a tough time...even having all my toys taken away. If I knew what suicide was at age 7, I totally would have done it. Things were better the next year, but I never trusted my parents after that year, and trusted them even less when they got divorced. I also became withdrawn after that and had a harder time making friends, which was already difficult being at a rural school populated by bully redneck kids. My mom remarried and had another kid when I was almost 15, and I saw how much work kids were. He was a little brat then, and is a good guy now, but suffering from major emotional problems.
Anyway, I guess my perspective was that being a kid sucked, and being a parent looked like it sucked as well, which probably contributed to my parents divorce and my life getting even suckier. In comparison, my life is fucking awesome now. I have a beautiful, smart fun girlfriend, travel all over the world doing adventurous things like skiing and scuba diving, have a nice car, nice house, good friends and make a lot of money (although doing something I'm not passionate about). Having a kid would make most of that go away, and I'd probably have to work an extra 10-15 years before I could afford to retire.
I don't want to be a different man. Most parents I see look way too serious and stressed all the time. They typically seem less happy, excited and joyful than the non-parents I know. Perhaps they're more fulfilled, but less happy. I guess it's just not for me, but for good reason.
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I am not trying to convince you to change your mind, but just trying to point out that not every or even most parents out there are miserable like you're trying to make it seem. Sorry that you only seem to know people that regret having kids. Makes me wonder why they actually had them, or if it just kind of happened.