[stbm5]

dont get married unless you are truly and absolutely sure it will work. to make it work be kind, show love, write the occasional love note and hide it somewhere where she'll unexpectedly find it. regular sex, long stretches without it will make her think you dont desire her. remember anniversaries and ALWAYS do something special, not expensive but something that shows you put some care and thought into it.

[ezaircon4jc]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

Attachment 3820361



.

That was my wife when I was fired/retired. I finally told her that just because she was doing something, doesn't mean I have to be bust too!

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by 2000cs

Better yet, parents are deceased!

I have a very good friend that had his happy marriage fail in less than a year because of his mother-in-witch ruining it. The few times that he ever tried to even go out on a date after that, he screened the woman first by asking how many times per year she went to put flowers on her mother's grave? If her mother was still alive, he ended the conversation right there.....

[MoeTE87]

Originally Posted by stbm5

dont get married unless you are truly and absolutely sure it will work. to make it work be kind, show love, write the occasional love note and hide it somewhere where she'll unexpectedly find it. regular sex, long stretches without it will make her think you dont desire her. remember anniversaries and ALWAYS do something special, not expensive but something that shows you put some care and thought into it.

Great advice indeed! However, the sex goes both ways. The guys can always initiate it but can also be turned down to an excuse of, I have a headache, I feel bloated, I am tired....etc. So its a two lane road. The woman should initiate it as well. Hell...even a boobie flash every now and then is awesome! Love me some PDA and my wife knows that!

Don't be afraid to be quirky around eachother. Be playful and have fun. Don't be too serious all the time.

[Three Stents]

https://www.tiktok.com/@dmichaelharr...44133250190634

[Vindicator3]

Choose spouse wisely. The rest is just details.

[jaffles]

Originally Posted by OC40

I must be in the minority. When my wife says she doesn’t want anything, she means it.

We don’t really do cards/gifts for anything.

We go to a couple restaurants for our birthdays and anniversary.

Sometimes we will travel. We did London for her 45th at the end of 2023 and Toronto for mine earlier this summer. I hate flying in the summer, so chose Toronto because it’s only an eight hour drive. Ate more food than I would like to admit during both trips.

+1 and it goes both ways. We don't want or expect anything from each other materially, be it anniversary, birthday, xmas or easter. Just time together is enough.

We do the odd dinner which is a joy. A road trip or travel is like supercharged joy.
Raising good kids has been a surprising joy of mine. It was the wifes idea and she did give me fair warning right at the start, if we are going to happen so are kids. She leads and I support (don't ever tell a mother how to do it), but she will tell me regularly she could have not done it without me, and don't ever leave as she will be lost.

She is very aware I could drink, gamble, womanise, lie, be controlling, violent, or boring as and collect paperclips. Plus she gets what she wants which is little besides a pool and house reno. I am very aware she does not do hair, fingernails, makeup, eyelashes, clothes, shoes, bags etc; seek attention or grind me on anything. I tell her I'm not going anywhere. I'm too happy, too lazy, and its way to hard to start again.

[floridaorange]

*Out-serve your wife.

*God First, Wife 2nd, Kids 3rd (agreeing with previous poster on that 100%). The opposite is a trap.

*The first 5 years you are setting the tone for the next 15 years - remember, you can be kind or be right.

*Foot rubs go a long way.

*Lead by example with actions on areas you are hoping she might change.

*You are the spiritual leader of the household, so it's best that you get yourself right before God to affectively lead, especially when times get tough. You will need love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Those come from The Holy Spirit. Wives trust and love husbands who are filled with The Holy Spirit during the good times and the bad.

[Alfisti]

God first, that'll do me.

[M5Rick]

Make sure she likes BMW's before taking the plunge

[gunsmoker]

Don't buy M cars without letting her know ahead of time. She did not speak to me for 2 days...

[OC40]

Originally Posted by gunsmoker

Don't buy M cars without letting her know ahead of time. She did not speak to me for 2 days...

So, my best friend bought a sportish car and just showed up at home with it. I knew before his wife.

My wife and I were like wtf.

I’m just curious, why wouldn’t you tell your wife that you’re buying a car?

[thebmw]

Originally Posted by M5Rick

Make sure she likes BMW's before taking the plunge

One of my real criteria was someone who does not drive Subaru's. Almost everyone I've met and seen who drives Subarus over the last 40 years has been at least a little crazy, a little extreme, a little road rage even though they say they're filled with love, and generally not attractive. Totally different wavelength and vibe than me and probably most people on this forum.

[M5Rick]

Originally Posted by thebmw

One of my real criteria was someone who does not drive Subaru's. Almost everyone I've met and seen who drives Subarus over the last 40 years has been at least a little crazy, a little extreme, a little road rage even though they say they're filled with love, and generally not attractive. Totally different wavelength and vibe than me and probably most people on this forum.

It's the flat four motor and six inch wide exhaust outlet that distinguishes these guys

[thebmw]

Originally Posted by gunsmoker

Don't buy M cars without letting her know ahead of time. She did not speak to me for 2 days...

Very nice...just kidding

[floridaorange]

I’m just curious, why wouldn’t you tell your wife that you’re buying a car?


Because he thinks keeping finances separate in a marriage is a plan

[Reborn_]

Prior to marriage, my wife and I discussed (at length, not just a one off):
1.) Finances, including control and process
2.) Lifestyle (travel v. stuff v. investment)
3.) Whether we would have kids, including how to raise them (we are different religions and different races)
...
a few other things I'm forgetting, but those are the most important.

Make sure these 3 are compatible and you just cut your divorce risk in half.

I also very much echo something someone posted that if you are having tons of fights and issues in the first 2 years (the honeymoon period), just GTFO. It will only get harder.


Been married 9 years.

[floridaorange]

Originally Posted by Reborn_

Prior to marriage, my wife and I discussed (at length, not just a one off):
1.) Finances, including control and process
2.) Lifestyle (travel v. stuff v. investment)
3.) Whether we would have kids, including how to raise them (we are different religions and different races)
...
a few other things I'm forgetting, but those are the most important.

Make sure these 3 are compatible and you just cut your divorce risk in half.

I also very much echo something someone posted that if you are having tons of fights and issues in the first 2 years (the honeymoon period), just GTFO. It will only get harder.


Been married 9 years.

Hmm - I’d say never “gtfo” I’d echo what’s already been said - 1 and done, but you had better date a while and be extremely discerning. Fights and arguments are almost always the husbands fault, not always of course but often. If your wife can get you to raise your voice and act immature, she’s actually exposing weaknesses that need to be addressed.

[floridaorange]

Control the controlables. Get yourself together, its ok if that journey occurs during the marriage, if you are sincerely driven to live and learn. We men often have more room to grow than our wives do, especially if you marry up .

Remove the plank from your own eye before you can be the person that is even capable of helping to remove the speck from your wifes eyes.

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

Fights and arguments are almost always the husbands fault, not always of course but often.

Eh? Literally every couple I know the woman is far more likely to cause a shit fight over nothing and is the far else emotionally stable of the two. It's not even close. Not to mention irrational. The men I know put up with untold amounts of head shaking shit.

[Reborn_]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

Hmm - I’d say never “gtfo” I’d echo what’s already been said - 1 and done, but you had better date a while and be extremely discerning. Fights and arguments are almost always the husbands fault, not always of course but often. If your wife can get you to raise your voice and act immature, she’s actually exposing weaknesses that need to be addressed.

I agree with you. I meant during dating

[floridaorange]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Eh? Literally every couple I know the woman is far more likely to cause a shit fight over nothing and is the far else emotionally stable of the two. It's not even close. Not to mention irrational. The men I know put up with untold amounts of head shaking shit.

Do you genuinely care to know why or are you stuck on believing they are usually just behaving irrationally? Read on if you're being sincere about learning.

Wives, (and in many cases kids in a family), will almost always settle for a negative connection in order to keep the relationship connected at all, when the husband is either emotionally distant or checked out or overly fixated on life outside of the marriage and family. This comes back to marrying a woman you really love.

It's a lot easier to care to see things from your wife's perspective if you are committed to loving her.


But make no mistake, if you don't commit to seeing her and loving her the way God does, you are screwed. Holy matrimony is intended to help us GROW UP, and learn to depend on God so that we can accurately see our spouses for more than just her physical looks.

Having said that, sure you could marry a psycho woman who is evil. In that case, you had very poor judgement. But for husbands, leadership is the only way forward, taking more responsibility, not less.

Originally Posted by Reborn_

I agree with you. I meant during dating

100% , if during dating it's chaos, BYE!